Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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