just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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