i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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