Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
love makes seman taste better
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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