I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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