Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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