Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
