So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
