he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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