I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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