i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
