so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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