i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
