oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
