I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
