I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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