farters have to be the big spoon...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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