I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
