if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
