Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
