CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
