I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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