just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
