Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize