i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im six kinds of drunk right now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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