I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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