hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
