When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
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