My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everclear isn't food dammit
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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