made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is wine microwaveable?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
