she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
