so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize