Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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