So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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