4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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