I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
