I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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