That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
