you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
