Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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