Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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