Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
