I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
