I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
