in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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