I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
