I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
