Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
