Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
