Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
