I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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