dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
