I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
