I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
