U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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