dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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