Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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