pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
