So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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