why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
