i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
