HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
