Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
