Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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