Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
