So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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