Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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