So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
