I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
