Soap is not a condiment
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Alive.
So much puke
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
