____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
